Regret is a funny thing. I have regrets in life and feel embarrassed or stupid about some choices and actions from my past. When it comes to choices, though, if I’d made different ones, my life may have turned out differently.
For example, when I first started taking graduate courses, I was offered an instructional design internship with a prestigious company in the Chicago area. I was afraid of figuring out moving, living expenses for the summer, and not knowing enough to do the job. It was NOT a good decision, career-wise, and could have propelled me further, faster. I regretted it. However, if I’d taken the job, I may have moved to Chicago for good, met a guy in Chicago, or other possibilities. Maybe I wouldn’t have met Jeff and created the life and family we have. NO regrets about that!
I’ve talked throughout the posts about my sickness with chemotherapy. You’ll read about how weak it made me in an upcoming post. So, what’s my regret? It’s that I wasn’t in better to shape to handle the effects of treatment.
Many people get very sick during chemo. Different drugs for various types of cancer have different effects. I’ve talked to some women who had the same treatment as I did. Some were able to do a lot more activity during their treatment period than me. They worked harder jobs, took care of kids, cleaned their homes, and were generally more active. I began to wonder why.
No one reacts exactly the same way to medicine. Certain sinus medicines make me wired while Jeff gets sleepy on them. Another factor on these women was their health condition going in. They were at a much better weight than I was, most notably. They likely didn’t have some other issues I had prior to my diagnosis. While I have no scientific evidence on this, I think that your fitness going into treatment affects your ability to manage side effects.
My regret is that I wasn’t in better shape and health to handle the chemotherapy treatments. My doctor asked me to lose weight. I only lost about 15 pounds overall from the day I was diagnosed to the end of treatment, not nearly enough. Sadly, I still have the same issue of excessive weight.
Whew! I’m feeling very vulnerable right now. It’s hard to write about being fat when I know better. It was worth it to say that if we keep ourselves in better shape, we could better handle what life throws at us, whether its chemo, a heart condition, or an illness like COVID. I regretted my situation then, and I do now. I hope you take this to heart and work on your health and fitness as I will try, try again.
After reading this post, give yourself a hug and remember that you are an amazing person! We all have things to improve about ourselves. Remember to love yourself!
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